There is a very specific kind of punch to the gut that only parents know.
For Jon, it happened in a hotel bed after an awesome family day at an amusement park. Roller coasters, kids jumping on hotel beds, that perfect “this is what life is about” kind of weekend.
He wakes up. His son is curled up next to him. It should have been one of those core memory moments.
Instead, within a couple of seconds, his brain bolts to work.
Major software upgrade. He is quarterbacking the whole thing. If it goes sideways, everyone looks at him. His body is in bed with his son, but his mind is in a conference room that does not exist yet, solving problems that have not happened yet.
That moment hits him. Hard.
The red flag is simple and brutal:
“If I cannot mentally stay in this moment, my priorities need to be re-evaluated.”
And this is where a lot of dads quietly live.
On paper, everything looks successful. Promotions, salary, status, benefits. The “provider” box is checked in permanent marker. But at home, the cost starts leaking out in small cracks.
Less patience. Shorter fuse. Always half distracted. Present in the room, but not really present.
Jon talks about how his kids used to get the version of him that was “frayed at the edges.” He could fake calm when things were smooth, but the second something got bumpy, the angry and frustrated version took over. And kids are brilliant observers. They might not have the language for it, but they feel it.
The wild part is, most dads think they are doing the right thing.
The story goes like this: Be a good provider first. Climb the ladder. Make sure everyone is taken care of. Sacrifice now so your family can have more later.
Except your kids do not experience your income. They experience your presence.
They want a dad who feels safe, calm, and emotionally available. Not a dad who is physically there but mentally still in yesterday’s meeting, or tomorrow’s crisis.
Jon eventually left his corporate job and became a coach. Then he built The Engaged Father Project, basically the program he wishes he had when he was drowning in stress and calling it “success.”
What I love most about his approach is how practical it is.
He is not telling dads to burn their careers down or move to a cabin in the woods. He is teaching them to design who they want to be as a father, then build tiny systems around that identity.
One simple tool from his program is called “Don’t Waste The Moment.”
- After a blow up at home, instead of just feeling ashamed or pretending it did not happen, you walk through a short set of questions:
- What actually happened?
- What was I trying to do?
- What were they trying to do?
- What else was really going on under the surface?
- What can I do better next time?
It takes a few minutes. It hurts a little. It also turns regret into information.
He also has dads write a mission statement for how they want to show up as fathers. Not a fluffy quote. A clear, personal statement they can measure themselves against.
Because “I want to be a good dad” is vague.
“I want my kids to describe me as calm, safe, and present” is something you can build habits around.
Here is the truth that can sting a bit:
By the time your kids turn 18, you have already spent around 90 percent of your face to face time with them.
The clock is ticking whether you look at it or not.
Your kids do not need a perfect dad. They do not need a father who never raises his voice, never messes up, never says something he regrets.
They need a dad who is willing to notice, admit, and repair. A dad who is willing to take a breath, own his patterns, and make different choices on a random Tuesday.
Provider is important. Calm is critical. Presence is what they will remember.
Jon Hord
Jon Hord is a fatherhood coach and the creator of The Engaged Father Project, an eight week coaching experience designed to help dads become calmer, more present leaders at home. After spending nearly twenty years climbing the corporate ladder, Jon realized he was winning at work but drifting as a father. That wake up call pushed him into coaching, where he now helps dads rewrite old patterns, build simple micro systems, and create the kind of connected family life they actually want. He shares practical tools, real stories, and a grounded approach that makes fatherhood feel less overwhelming and a lot more intentional.
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