And What Actually Works Instead
Last Friday was National Quitters Day. I hate it. Almost as much as daylight savings.
Not because it applies to me, but because it quietly reminds millions of people that they went all in on change, burned themselves out, and now feel like something is wrong with them.
Nothing is wrong with you.
What’s broken is the way we think change works.
We’ve been sold this idea that motivation is the fuel. Get hyped, get inspired, go hard, and results will magically appear. Social media pours gasoline on this belief with before and after photos, shortcuts, and gurus promising six packs, six figures, and inner peace in 30 days.
Motivation feels incredible. It’s also unreliable.
Motivation will only get you to your first bad day.
I’ve felt it too. You watch a video, hear a story, or listen to a speech and suddenly you believe you can be a completely different person. There’s real science behind this. When someone tells a powerful story, the listener’s brainwaves sync with the speaker. That energy transfer convinces you that their success can be yours.
So you join the gym. You buy the gear. You clear your calendar. You hit it hard.
And for a while, it works.
Then life shows up.
You get sick. Your kid gets sick. You do leg day and realize why nobody walks right afterward. Work dumps an impossible deadline on you. You’re exhausted, overwhelmed, and suddenly that motivation you relied on is gone.
That’s because external motivation is built on someone else’s why. When pressure hits, it cracks.
The fix is not more motivation. It’s identity and systems.
Instead of asking, “What should I do?” ask, “Who am I becoming?”
Who is the person you’re moving toward? What habits do they keep? What does their normal day look like? And more importantly, what do they do on bad days that still feels true to them?
Once you define that, shift your language from they to I.
I take care of my health.
I follow through even when it’s inconvenient.
When I’m under pressure, I pause, acknowledge it, and choose my next step.
That identity shift alone makes you more resilient.
From there, you build momentum with a simple framework.
Small wins lead to stacked progress.
Stacked progress becomes momentum.
Momentum turns you into an unstoppable force.
Not because it’s easy. It’s not. But because it’s sustainable.
Starting small removes the need to feel motivated. Your actions should be so small that skipping them would feel ridiculous. Consistency beats intensity every single time.
Years ago, I ran a weight loss challenge at work. Almost everyone dropped out by week three. So I flipped the rules. No number goals. Only identity based goals. Feelings. Accomplishments.
One person wrote, “I want to fit into my wedding dress again.”
Then I rewarded consistency, not results. Five straight weeks of showing up earned a reward. Miss a week, start over.
Participation skyrocketed. Over 80 percent stayed engaged through week 21. Together, they lost over 500 pounds.
Nothing magical happened. They stopped relying on motivation and started reinforcing their why through small, repeatable actions.
If motivation keeps failing you, that’s your signal to build something stronger.
Momentum doesn’t care how you feel. And that’s a good thing.